I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
