So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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