She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
