What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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