oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
