I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
