it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
