ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
