before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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