i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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