Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
