The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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