Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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