my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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