New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
