pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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