My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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