Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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