omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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