On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
