I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
