She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
