Got a toothbrush?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I cut my penus on the lid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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