I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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