AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
