She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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