I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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