I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
