Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
