i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
