I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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