He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
