I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
