I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
