don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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