no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
