toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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