there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
