I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
