Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
