I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
tell me about the eggs
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