dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
