Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
