things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
