i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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