everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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