Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
