haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
