I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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