then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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