i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
