I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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