just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
