I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
